You spend a decade doing everything possible not to get pregnant. These years are filled with many 'uh-oh' moments, and countless prayers that one didn't 'slip pass the goalie'. And then one day you and your significant other decide: it's time to procreate. At that point pregnancy can't come fast enough. The first time you try to get pregnant, you almost forget that conception is almost a miracle, and frustrated when it doesn't happen right away. The men love the idea of trying, and probably secretly pray that it takes more than a month to happen. I'm sure it's a different story for the women, altogether. My sister was inquiring about the stars I had drawn on our monthly calendar in the kitchen. I told her those were the days we were 'trying'. She then laughed and said that it would probably take more than 3 days in a month to get pregnant. It was a busy month!
After a few months of doing the deed, the miracle happened: we were going to have a baby. As much as I had tears of joy, I also had major moments of panic. It wasn't the responsibilty, or the financial strain that a baby would cause. It was actually the fact that my sleeping in days were over. I can sleep like the best of them (think 16 year old boy), and 12 hours isn't nearly enough. I would secretly take joy when I would call my parent-friends at 11am on a Saturday and subtly rub in that I just woke up. I guess those days were about to be over.
Pregnancy sucks. That's it, plain and simple. It was always so frustrating to hear the mothers who would coo and say how much they loved to be pregnant. One word: bullshit. I think that these women just forget the torture. Pregnancy is God's sick joke on women (apart from PMS). You start pregnancy feeling like you are hung over everday (morning sickness is a fucking lie, ladies. It's ALL DAY). Your skin does a retro play-back to when you were 13 and oily. You get fat until you actually look pregnant. It feels like everyone else lost weight and looks amazing during these days. Don't forget heartburn, constant peeing at night, your apparant loss of brain cells, swollen feet, alien arms and legs jamming into your ribs, stretch marks, and some funky line that goes down your belly (yuck). You can't even drink these problems away (well, at least openly or you will get crucified). And WTF: I DID drink coffee when pregant AND ate brie cheese-it's not like they don't do that in Europe! Then, when it's all over, you have to push a 8lbs baby out of your lady-parts, hoping you don't stretch/ rip/ or get cut (good luck feeling comfortable to try for baby #2). You don't even get to rest after 30 hours of labour (which always seems to start in the middle of the night) because then you are blessed with this little baby that is going to rely on you for...well...everything! I hated being pregnant, but at least the end result seems to make it worth the while. I couldn't imagine having that baby naturally though. That's extra fucked-up. Epidural was my friend and I would take one of those daily if I could. The way the last few weeks have been going with a newborn-I would self administer to get me through colic and nightime feedings!
Now I have a whole new adventure to look forward to: motherhood. The purpose of this blog is to vent about all the frustrating things I would hear from other moms who tried too hard to be perfect. I'm not perfect, and won't even try to be. I'm sure the tv will babysit my child more that necessary, and there will be days that I will want to sell him on the internet when he doesn't stop crying. I'm not breastfeeding (more about that later) and to be honest, I'm actually happy about it. There are some messed up theories and practices out there that I refuse to partake in (i.e mom's groups which I think are the root of all evil).
Let's just see if being an actual mommy will make me eat my words...
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